When is it the right time?

This is about making a decision about when to become involved in counselling.  Of course, there is no correct answer for this.  For those people who are thinking about counselling for themselves, it’s really about trying to decide what you want to be different in your lives.  Here are some quick questions that might help you to consider whether the time is right for you?

1. Am I distressed about something?  Can I state what it is that I am upset about?
2. Is it something about myself that I think I need to change?
3. Is it something that I keep running into and repeatedly become upset about?
4. Do I spend a lot of time thinking about it?  More time than I think I should?
5. Do I always go to others to get reassurance, or advice?
6. Have others told me that I need to talk with someone about this?  And do I trust and respect those people who have said this to me?

Everyone has different levels of tolerance.  In using pain as an example, some people can walk around with a broken bone, and can tolerate that pretty well.  They may find that they experience some tenderness for a while, or they are not able to do something with that particular limb, for a while, but it doesn’t bother them.  They have a high tolerance for pain and discomfort.

Other people are distracted when they have a relatively minor ailment that is pain causing, like a sliver or a headache (but not a migraine!).  These people might find that they are not able to concentrate on tasks, because they are distracted and worried about their pain and discomfort.

I’ve used these examples, merely as an exercise, to illustrate that people have widely varying abilities to cope with discomfort and pain.  So in the consideration of emotional distress, people will vary greatly in their ability to tolerate this as well.  Each person has to make that decision on their own, and consider whether they are able to deal with their emotional distress by themselves, or whether they are willing to reach out and engage help.  Even that is extremely difficult!  Reaching out to someone who you don’t know and who you have no idea whether they can actually even help you, is something that takes a great deal of courage and faith.

The fact is however, that who you reach out to, should probably be someone who you don’t know that well.    Just like doctors should not perform surgery on their own family members, the same holds true for seeking out someone to help with an emotional situation.  A counsellor or therapist should have no obvious vested interest in the outcome of  sessions, and uses this objectivity as a tool in helping people see all the factors and influences that are contributing factors in any given situation.

Marie Lang – Sky Counselling Services – langmarie@rogers.com